It’s not bad enough that I had to drive halfway across America to start my new job. It’s not bad enough that I have to live in a cigar case for the next 5 months. No, no, no!!!! I had to arrive in San Antonio, Texas in the middle of the worst bout of ‘cedar fever’ in recent memory (theirs, not mine).

For the uninitiated, central Texas was not peopled with Mexicans originally. In one of the most logical things in America, it was peopled with Germans! Germans are wonderful, hardy folk who love the land and cook better than most. Anyway, it seems when the Germans arrived here, there was a large erosion problem in the foothills that surround San Antonio so they did what all great land-lovers do, they planted trees to stop the erosion. Cedar trees to be exact, beautiful, aromatic and well, full of more pollen than any beehive could ever use. So twice a year (in the Spring and Fall for you northerners, we call it Early-Summer and Late-Summer here) these trees produce and release all of their pollen and cause about 85% of the population to come down with ‘cedar fever’.

I had not really felt that bad until Sunday afternoon. By the time I got home, I had a sinus headache that made me want to stick an icepick in my ear to relieve the pressure. It was horrible! Have you ever had that pressure in your head when your heartbeat hurts? I’m telling you it was nasty. No sleep for one night. Monday, I doubled up on my allergy medicine hoping that it would help the problem but about midday I could feel a fever coming on and I knew I was in for a rough afternoon/night. I took another double-dose of allergy medicine and hit the bed early. When I woke up, it felt like I had slept for days, I just knew I was going to be late for work so I grabbed my watch and it was 11:30 PM. I was so excited because I had only been in bed for about 4 hours so I went back to sleep and had the whole process happen again, this time at 1:30, and then once more at 4! I couldn’t believe it, each time I felt like I had been sleeping for 8 or 10 hours when it had only been 2 or 4. You know what I learned? No matter how long you FEEL like you’ve slept, your body ain’t fooled baby.

The next morning, I stopped by the company store for some Tylenol sinus (daytime) and went to my desk. Within an hour I was completely in la la land. Half the time I was literally sleeping at my desk. I had even taken one of those 5-hour energy drinks but I had to ask my boss to check on me every once in a while to make sure I was still breathing. I had these body-aches that were just incredible, I couldn’t flex my hands into fists, I couldn’t stretch without causing massive damage to my upper back area, I had trouble blinking real fast! Luckily, all I had to do was read so it’s not like I was hurting anybody’s project. On the way home, I went to Wal-Mart and brought out the big guns, Nyquil and Dayquil. If anything was going to let me sleep, it was the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, stuffy-head, fever, so you can rest medicine. I took my first dose at 6 PM and prayed that sleep would take me away like Calgon. At about 1:15, I woke up and was hotter than a half-screwed sheep in a pepper patch (I have a good friend from Wales, they know these things there); I mean El Fuego! Not sweating, oh no, the fever can’t be breaking yet, you have much to suffer yet young Padawan! I took another quick dose of Nyquil and crawled (literally) back into bed. Sometime between 1:30 and 5:00, I thought my fever had broken. I woke up drenched without any fever or chills or pain or worries.

I went in to work dosed up with Dayquil and got through the whole day without falling asleep once, took on two projects, and made 3 new friends…But, now I’m home and my fever appears to be coming back and it sort of feels like the drummer for the band in my head is warming up and I don’t have a wife to complain to. You have no idea how hard it is for a man to be sick by himself when he hasn’t been sick by himself for over 18 years! If you have any remedies for ‘cedar fever’ believe me unless it involves removing my entire head, I’m listening! Okay, even if it involves removing my entire head (though I’ll try that one last).