Hobbit Swoon…

Okay, so maybe I have a couple of readers who didn’t hear about me from June Cleaver (I think my wife reads this and I’m pretty sure she didn’t click the link from June’s blog, pretty sure) but the fact of the matter is that most of us owe our blogs to the fact that June inspired us to take what’s in our heads and send it out to the whole freakin’ world via a keyboard.

So recently June’s M.O. has been to post ‘swoon’ pictures every Monday for all the ladies (and disturbingly, a couple of the guys) to goggle at and then comment on how sexy the men are and how much they’d like to spend a couple of hours locked in a basement with a bottle of Olive Oil, some Peanut Butter, Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup, and some ice cubes with them. Okay, so I made that part up but I bet it would be fun! Anyway, the Hobbit doesn’t really spend much time on June’s Monday blogs; I read through them, make some snide remark and then go wash my fingertips before all the drool from her female followers dries on them. Many times I’ve thought to post my own swoon-worthy list of people whom I thought deserved to a little attention even though they may not be thought of in the ‘normal’ swoon sense. So today I sat down to post the first ever Hobbit Swoon List.. And this is as far as I got! I’d never really thought that creating a swoon list would be that difficult, you just make a list of the people you find attractive, Google them to find pictures (or have your adoring fans e-mail them to you) and then write snappy little phrases under the pictures! Voila, swoonness! Unfortunately, I could only think of one person that I’d like to be with right now and though it sounds a little bit self-serving, I’m not going to post 16 pictures of my wife for you all to eyeball. I’ve already posted one of her this week which is probably more than she wanted posted this year…

I even drank a couple of glasses of wine just to see if that would bring any other thoughts to me about swoonishness and all that that entails but unfortunately, that just caused me to have to delay posting this message for 30 minutes while I went and took a cold shower. Same person, different thoughts…No, I won’t share them with you! How dare you! Where was I? Oh yeah, swoonishness.

So now my thoughts have wandered to the origin of why we desire to see the opposite sex (for us normal folks, Warren) partially naked and why we don’t appreciate those who have opted to spend their time exercising things besides their muscles in the pursuit of a goal. Why for instance, don’t we post pictures of Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King, Jr., or Mother Theresa when we’re discussing the people that deserve our attention. I mean sure Johnny Depp and Natalie Portman can turn our heads but really shouldn’t we spend some time focusing on the people who turn our minds as well? I mean, when was the last time you said, ‘oh man, I sure would like to see Madeline Albright in a string bikini!’ yet you can’t argue that the woman who was the first Female US Secretary of State wasn’t important to the world. I bet most of us have never heard the name Konrad Zuse and I promise you, you won’t find any commentaries about how he never used deodorant or what his favorite hair gel is but none of us would be spending hours mindlessly reading blogs if he hadn’t invented the first programmable computer.

‘What’s my point?’ you might ask. Well, I don’t have one; isn’t that why they call this a blog? It’s just me putting an opinion out there for anyone who wants to waste a little time and (hopefully) leave a comment on. You’re more than welcome to visit June and get a little jolly from watching the half-naked men do what they do best. I don’t envy you that. If I had their bodies, I might post a picture of myself (oh, shut up) and see what you think of it. Unfortunately for me, I’m shaped more like Buddha than Zeus so you’ll just have to deal with the fact that I exercise your mind and June exercises your ‘id’ (see Sigmund Freud if you need to know what I’m talking about). Speaking of Sigmund, you don’t see many pictures of him in the shower either, do you? I did find this sexy little number out on Google though. He’s no Edward Cullen but then again, who is?