Wow, I was just looking over some things to create a website for my sons’ band when I realized I had not posted to my blog in over two years. Two and a half to be more specific. Funny how things like Facebook and Twitter have taken over a lot of this type of communication. I truly miss the deadlines I used to place on myself to ensure that I posted things that were timely and consistent. With the next presidential election right around the corner, it might be time to start this up again. For tonight, I’m just testing some of the new features of the latest WordPress build. I host this blog on my own servers but I use the WordPress software to do it. Have a blessed night everyone and keep praying for those you love and hate!
Archive for the Category » Family «
Sunday, August 09th, 2009 | Author: pland777
So, I finished reading ‘The Shack’ this morning and decided I should try to put some thoughts down before going out to the internet and seeing what the general response is there. About 2 months ago, a small group of people were talking about it while I was over at their house. They highly recommended the book but at the time I was reading something else, probably the Twilight series and I decided it could wait. Then a couple of weeks ago, my mom called me to ask me if I’d read it…My mom is a voracious reader and I’m the only child she has that loves reading as much as she does. I told her that I was re-reading The Lord of the Rings but that when I was finished, I would pick it up and read it…Now, if you haven’t read it yet and plan to (which I recommend), stop reading here as there will be some spoilers in this review…Okay, here we go…
Even though I’ve been in the room with people who’ve read the book, I had not heard anything about the premise of the book other than it was spiritual in nature. To say that the blatant religiousness of the book took me by surprise would be a major understatement. I was expecting some sideways reference to Jesus or possibly the Holy Spirit, not a weekend with the Holy Trinity. First, I’d like to cover what I liked about the book but I don’t want to cover the reason why he finds himself in a shack with the Trinity because I think each person will respond differently to that situation and I don’t want to tarnish it with anticipation.
- Anyway, much of what is written resonates deeply with my interpretation of religion. The thought that the basis of life is relationships and that the greatest relationship in the universe is that of the three persons of the Trinity should be very comfortable with everyone. I have always had a rather weird view of ‘organized religion’. There is a big part of me that believes the Church is necessary but there is another part that knows deep down inside that a lot of what we consider to be ‘Christian’ probably has nothing to do with what God set out to do when he created the first man. While I was reading the book, I thought often of my father, who I’ve tried to get to go to church many times, and many times he’s told me that he has a different kind of relationship with God and that he doesn’t need to go to church to experience it. For the first time, I think I actually believe him…
- I love the way the author paints the scenes with colors and scents. I’m a visual person and the better a person can draw their world, the easier it is for me to understand it.
- I love the way this book treats forgiveness. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the phrase ‘forgive and forget’ as if these two things were linked and that one begets the other. In practice, I’ve given and received forgiveness many times and, knowing the situation has not been forgotten, felt like forgiveness has not taken place. In reality, we are not capable of consciously forgetting anything (that doesn’t come from this book) and life would be a lot easier to deal with if we understood that we may have to forgive someone many times for the same thing before true healing takes place.
There are one or two things about this book that I tend to disagree with though and I think it’s only fair to mention these also.
- First and foremost, you get the definite impression that the author does not believe in evil; especially in a personage such as the devil. Not only does he treat bad things as the absence of goodness (he says so much in comparing darkness to the absence of light); he doesn’t even mention the serpent in the Garden of Eden when Eve took the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
- I’m not particularly thrilled with the way the book ends either. You almost get the impression that once the ‘real story’ has been explained, the author completely ran out of material and just shut the book down. It’s not very graceful and leaves the reader feeling disconnected somehow; like something is missing but not in a ‘I need to go and explore this mystery’ kind of way…It’s much more of a letdown feeling.
I’m sure there are many more theological debates that could be held but as this is a work of pseudo-fiction, we should probably not debate them here.
I feel quite certain that the author (or at least one of the co-authors) read and very-much liked ‘Jonathan Livingston Seagull’ and ‘One’ by Richard Bach. Reading this book, I got very close to the same feelings I had when I read those books as a young adult.
So, the long and the short of it is that The Shack is a very good read and will make you think about your relationship with God (all 3 of Him) and with others.
Saturday, July 18th, 2009 | Author: pland777
It’s been one month to the day since I sat down to write a post for the blog. I remember specifically because at that time, I pre-posted ‘Today’s the Day‘ wanting to have time to prepare the house and be completely ready when Debbie arrived from Virginia. So I wrote that post, walked away and was honestly unsure if I would ever post another message to this blog again. There were several good reasons for giving up the blog, all surrounding the family…the amount of time that it takes away from them, how it normally makes you think about yourself rather than them, and just the general thought processes of the day in which you begin to think about how to lead conversations so that they make good blogging fodder rather than just letting the day flow as it should. But I’ve been considering today’s topic for about 3 weeks now and with the kids asleep and the wife’s permission, I’ve decided to tickle the keyboard once again, perhaps a little more seriously than the hobbit ever has before.
You see, in the midst of this horrid world economy, social degradation, moral decline, and political hypocrisy (each large topics that impact millions of people) we’ve lost track of the family unit and how important that is to our stability and our sanity. I’ve been driven to this conclusion by the fact that 3 close friends; 3 close couples; have all within the last four weeks announced to us that they are in some state of the separation/divorce process. The youngest of these marriages is 13 years! Collectively they have 11 kids…In one of the cases, there is what the world would call a valid reason but in the other two, one of the spouses has just decided that they can do without the other spouse and no longer want to be married. What are you thinking?
Obviously, you think of the children, who will be devastated to learn that they now only get to see daddy every other weekend; only get to have mommy read them to sleep for two weeks during the summer. They didn’t do anything to deserve this but the rest of their lives will be spent not trusting others and wondering how they could have been better kids so that mommy and daddy would have stayed together. What are you thinking?
Then you think of the husband and wife, is divorce really the only solution to whatever is driving the wedge between them? Is there no counseling that could help them to learn to communicate their issues with each other? No amount of prayer, within the family and without, that could begin to heal the rift between them? What could he or she have done that caused the other to be unwilling to reconcile? Do you really feel that living out your life alone (or with some new person) is going to be better than being with someone who has loved you most of your adult life? What are you thinking?
Next you begin to think about yourself. Once you move beyond the ‘can I be friends with both of them’ types of questions, you begin to feel the impact within your own family. You anticipate the questions from your kids as they begin to understand that it could possibly happen to them, even though you do your best to convince them otherwise. You begin to wonder whether or not your spouse is contemplating divorce and instead of being a positive, loving spouse, you become negative. What are you thinking?
Being male, I’m genetically predisposed to attempting to fix these things. It is not in my nature to just listen and nod my head and ask the open-ended question periodically so that you can get this stuff off of your chest. Today, I’ll go against my nature and just tell each of these three couples these few things:
Category: Catholicism, Family
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Thursday, June 25th, 2009 | Author: pland777
Today is the day! After nearly a year of either complete separation or intermittent cohabitation, today June 25, 2009 Mrs. Hobbit arrives at our new hobbit hole and the hobbit’s will be whole again for the foreseeable future. For those of you who have never been forcibly separated from someone you love for an extended period of time, you need to read my blog on empathy! But for any of you that have, you know how special this day is. This is the day when I no longer have to say goodbye knowing that it will be between 3 weeks and 6 months before I get to say hello again. This is the night when I can go to sleep NOT HOLDING my pillow pretending…This is the day when the kids learn that both authority figures are back on the job and straightening up would be a very smart thing to do right about now!
Then there are the rest of the benefits. communication is face to face, not e-mail, not blogs, not texting, not cell phone but real honest-to-God, look her in the eyes and know what she’s thinking communication. To go out to a restaurant and not have to text and ask her what she’s having just because I want to know…There are so many things about this day that are special to me and I just want to the world to know that I love my wife and I could not be happier than to tell you all that this day will make the Top 10 list of days in my life because today, I don’t have to say goodbye again.
Category: Family
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Sunday, June 21st, 2009 | Author: pland777
First, let me say Happy Father’s Day to all the dad’s out there. You (we) truly deserve some credit for being dude’s in a world where being a dude is not so cool anymore…When my father was younger, being ‘the man of the house’ was important and carried with it a lot of weight and responsibility. Being his youngest son (and his being an older father), I was raised with a different set of values than most of my peers. Something happened in the 60′s and 70′s to change the nature of fatherhood completely. I don’t know if it was Vietnam, Woodstock, Feminism, the killing of God, or what but certainly my fathers’ way of raising kids and being a man quickly went by the wayside in popular culture. And there were so many things about his way that were great! Men stayed with their families through thick and thin. They earned the money and their wives raised the children from home. More than once I heard the phrase “wait till your father gets home” and that truly meant something to me (I had messed up and dad was going to set me straight).
Today, our kids don’t respect their parents the way we used to. I didn’t fear my father but I certainly respected his authority. My kids don’t have that same sense of respect for me and I used to believe that I’d failed in raising them but I’m not sure that’s correct. I can tell because my oldest child thinks that the youngest child should respect him as her elder. Obviously, the lesson to respect your elders has penetrated but the application is self-centered rather than centered on others. Maybe that’s the difference in the generations. The last couple of generations don’t really care about anything outside of their own little world. Somehow we’ve become a world where our ‘fellow man’ does not extend beyond the realm of those we know or who we can benefit from. So this Father’s Day I’m asking you to think about how well you empathize with others. Empathy is almost foreign to the current generation. The ability to put ourselves in anothers’ shoes not to walk a mile in them but to feel what the other person is feeling and just to understand. We’ve removed that in our goal-oriented society where we need to know what we will gain from doing something and if that gain takes longer than a day, it’s just not worth it.
So, starting today, let’s take a moment to understand someone else. Someone who we don’t stand to gain from in our understanding. Maybe it’s our Pastor whose message today doesn’t fit well with our definition of God. Maybe it’s the waitress who appears to be distracted or rude. Maybe it’s the teenager covered in tattoo’s with 75-80 piercings who would normally receive your scorn. Every one of these people (and everyone else that we meet) have a story and a need. So many times we want to fix that need when really they just want someone to listen and understand, without judgment, without trying to fix it (which is a form of judgment), but with empathy…
Monday, June 01st, 2009 | Author: pland777
All of my friends have issues. If they don’t have issues before they meet me, they certainly develop them shortly afterwords. I think I might be a carrier but I’m scared to discuss it with them in case they decide I am a carrier and stop being my friends.
Anyway, some very good friends here in San Antonio recently went through a very tough time as a couple. They split up for almost a year but they are now back together and seem to be happier than they have been in years. They’ve been having me over every once in a while since they know I’m alone and lonely (plus I watch their house for them when they go out of town) and we finally broached the subject of the catalyst for their separation and subsequent renewal. We didn’t get too deep but the husband started talking about this book he’d read (or actually listened to on CD) while temporarily single that brought a lot of things into focus for him. He realized that he and his wife had extremely different temperaments and that if they just understood each other a little better, they would be able to return to the joy they once knew. The book is called Personality Plus by Florence Littauer and like ‘The Five Love Languages’ it’s designed to put relationships into terms that are easy to understand and easy to work with. It’s not a college psychology course that only those with 10 lb brains can follow. It’s simple, direct, and very helpful. I highly recommend it if you are having difficulty getting along with anyone and just feel like you don’t understand them at all.
Saturday, May 30th, 2009 | Author: pland777
My wife is in New York City this weekend…It was the only thing she asked for when she got back from Pakistan, to spend a weekend alone without the pressures of the house, the family, or anything else. Just to be free and alone for a single weekend. Honestly, it killed me that she wanted to do that. Of course, being the outgoing person that I am, I don’t understand wanting to be alone. I’ve been alone for the better part of the past five months and I’ve felt like a basket case the vast majority of that time. I wanted her to want to come and spend a weekend with me but that wasn’t what she wanted. So, after fighting against myself for a long time, last weekend I bought her a hotel, airfare, Broadway package. She got to see The Lion King Friday night and today she visited the Statue of Liberty and ground zero. She’s been to Times Square, Central Park and several other of the famous places to see when you’re in NYC. Of course, I’m losing my mind because I don’t trust the safety of the Big Apple. I want her safe and sound at home with the kids until we’re all together again. It feels unnatural to be this way but I just can’t help myself. She’s having a good time though and that’s all that really matters. She’s the love of my life and if I can’t be with her, the least I can do is everything in my power to give her a few moments of happiness between all the hustle and bustle of getting ready to move. Here’s a picture of her with the NYC skyline in the background…
I love you dear.
Sunday, May 10th, 2009 | Author: pland777
Happy Mother’s Day! I wish more than anything that I could be there to share this day with you. In the picture above, you can see the things that bring me more joy than I know I’ve ever deserved. A beautiful wife and two great kids enjoying themselves out in the sun. You’re the reason that I have that joy. You said yes 18 1/2 years ago and made my life complete and full. If there have been times of trouble, there have been many, many more times of joy. I will never forget the look on your face each time we realized that you had a new life growing inside of you. What a tremendous responsibility and blessing we have been given. And you, to have carried them inside of you for 9 months and go through all of the pain that childbirth brings, only to forget it immediately and marvel at the wonder of that new life. When you said yes to me, you also said yes to God and though maybe it wasn’t so obvious then, you also said yes to them.
Today, as every day, I hope and pray that God wraps you in an envelope of peace and quiet. That the stress of the past few months can be wiped away and that you can be allowed to enjoy your Mother’s Day with your children. I can’t wait till we can be together as a family once again and celebrate these times without the distance between us. I love you more than anything other than God himself and I want the whole world to know that you are my life, you are my reason for carrying on each day, and that your love makes me wish I were a better man so that I could feel like I deserve it. So rest, my love. Be joyful today and celebrate the fact that God has blessed you with two of His children to raise, they are the reason you can call this day your own. Without them, you’d only be the best wife in the world, not the best mother as well. God bless you more today than any other day.
With all my heart and love,
Patrick
Saturday, May 09th, 2009 | Author: pland777
Caution, possible spoilers (I don’t know, I haven’t written the blog yet, Duh!)
Okay, so I’m late jumping on the Twilight bandwagon, whatever! I didn’t read Tolkien until The Two Towers movie was released, I didn’t read Harry Potter until book 5 was released, and I didn’t read the Twilight series until every female (and most male) student in all six of my classes started talking about them like the world was falling…Again, What-E-Ver!
So, I read book 1, Twilight, and thought that unlike Tolkien and Rowling, Meyer wasn’t as concerned that you believe her world existed. You’re in the Pacific Northwest, paint a cloudy bleary picture with lots of green and you’re good to go. Meyer draws you in on emotion. I’ve never felt what every character in a book is feeling like I did in Twilight. It was amazing. Being a guy, let’s just say I’m not always in touch with all of the range of emotions. I’m much more of the Ronald Weasley sort of person, give me the straight dope and I’ll try to keep the subtleties out of sight. But Stephanie won’t have any of that. You can say that she’s writing to a Young Adult (or younger) audience but I’m not buying it. Experiencing that much emotion without drama, pomp and circumstance would never go over in the young adult world of today. So, I think that how I was drawn in. I loved getting into everyone’s emotions (not their minds) and feeling what they felt. I don’t know this but I’d be willing to bet that Stephanie relates best with Jasper from the books. Very in tune with what everyone is feeling and less concerned with what they think or do unless you know the emotion behind it. I was enthralled. It took me two sittings to finish the book but that’s my fault, I’m a slow reader to begin with and I had to go back several times to understand the feelings (my feelings) as I was reading.
Luckily, my daughter brought book 2, New Moon, with her on our cruise. Debbie and Becka were both reading the book but neither of them really seemed interested at the time so I casually picked it up and started reading on about day 4. I finished it in the airport prior to our planes taking off for our separate destinations (me to San Antonio, them to NOVA). We had about 6 hours of wait time and I only needed about 2.5 so I was good to go. Again, very good book and I was so in.
I purchased book 3, Eclipse, at the airport upon arrival in San Antonio. I realize this is weird, I should have bought it in Orlando and read it on the way but the two bookstores in my terminal did not have Eclipse on their shelves so I had to settle for when I got home. Probably my least favorite of the 4 but I don’t mean it any discredit, I just guessed early on what was happening in Seattle and so the plot didn’t surprise me as it unfolded. I’m sure that many of you who are very good at that sort of thing, picked up the plot early as well but like me, you enjoy a good read so you decided to go ahead and stay on Mrs. Meyer’s train anyway.
The day after I finished book 3, I was at a friends house and her daughter had the series sitting on her shelf. I asked if I could borrow book 4, Breaking Dawn and was pleased that she had finished the series and was willing to loan it out. Unlike others who’ve said this book was too long, I loved it all the way through but I was initially disappointed with the last 3 chapters. I was expecting something completely different and was almost mad when I didn’t get it. If I had written this post 3 days ago, you’d have heard a whole lot about that. But after reading a few reviews and thinking through it, I’ve decided that the issue was just with my expectation and not with Stephanie’s writing. She wrote a fairytale ending and I wanted the WWE, ‘Let’s get ready to rumble’ ending. Of course, it’s not MY story, it’s hers and she did a great job with it. I highly recommend this series…Unfortunately for the movies, we’ll never feel what Bella and the rest feel from that medium and that really is a shame because to me, that’s the diamond in these books…
Friday, May 08th, 2009 | Author: pland777
So I was in Virginia last weekend because we had a court date with our previous Virginia landlord. We did almost $6,000 worth of improvements to her house and she’s trying to squeeze another $4,000 out of us. Our argument was that we complied with everything in the lease, she didn’t contact us within the required amount of time (30 days after lease termination), so we’re entitled to our security deposit back. Her argument was that we were perfect tenants for 34 months and then trashed her house in the last 6 weeks out of spite.
Like a good movie, the trial had some very good lines…her attorney called Debbie to the stand and asked her, ‘Did you have a phone while you were living in the house?’ followed by, ‘and did the phone work?’. That was all. My favorite line though was this, after admitting that the lease had a 30 day contact or refund clause, and admitting that his client took at least 32 days to contact us, her attorney said…and I quote…wait for it…’Well within the legal limit!’ Not once, not twice, but three times he iterated that taking over 30 days to respond to a lease with a 30 day clause in it was ‘completely within the boundaries of the law!’ I honestly don’t believe that I was capable of keeping the shock off of my face. It was just amazing. My other favorite part was when they called their ‘expert witness’; a man who has been in the real estate business for 8 years, a man who has completely remodeled 13 houses, a man who, they claimed, would substantiate the horrors we visited upon our landlords house. Oh, I almost forgot, a man who is married to my landlord and might possibly have a vested interest in my landlord winning her case!
So, the judge gave us the judgment (full refund of our deposit minus the homeowners association dues that were owed). Woohoo, we win, right? Wrong, she’s now going to appeal the case potentially costing us thousands of dollars in legal fees, that we can’t recoup, to get back $1600 from her. So, hurray for us, we won but we’re still going to lose (not the appeal, just the money)…
I have to give kudos to the judge also; she was wonderful. After the landlords attorney made a point of showing the ‘reasonable attorney’s fees’ clause in the lease agreement (apparently, that was well within the law as well) and the judge made her pronouncement; he asked about the fees. She said he could submit a bill for reasonable fees for the award they won ($430 for the HOA dues). He submitted a bill for $3,000 to the court and the judge awarded him $250.
I’ve promised myself that I’m not going to publish the landlords’ name, at least until the cases are cleared up and out of the court system however, if you’re planning on buying a house in the Northern Virginia area, especially around Lorton, please call me first and I’ll give you the name of an ethical agent you can trust…Also, if you need an attorney in the Northern Virginia area, I’ll be more than happy to refer you to ours. He was great and understood the law (and more importantly the case) better than I ever would have believed.
