Okay, June Cleaver has recognized that I haven’t posted in a long time.  Unfortunately for me, I have the same excuse that she does.  For the first time ever, my kids are going to two different schools and with sports, CYM Meetings and everything else I just haven’t had time to post.  I work at my daughters’ school and (honestly) have not sat down at my computer for more than 15 or 20 minutes since school began on August 25th.  Life is just hectic; HEC-TIC!!! I was not meant to be a single parent and will rejoice greatly when my wife returns in January.  Which brings me to the actual reason for this post…

Apparently, I am a worse husband/best friend than I actually believed that I was.  I mean, I know that I’m needy and forgetful and all that other stuff that husbands can be but in my mind what Debbie needed more than anything else was to be able to concentrate on what she was doing across the world!  So I have spent most of the days since her departure maintaining that strong face that would allow her to not worry about what is happening to us and to just do what she needs to do and get home.

But now, June’s husband has run off to save the world (right around the corner from Debbie) and it seems that every entry describes how much she misses him and how her life is not the same without him.  Junes’ entries rip my heart in two and make me think about Debbie so far away and how helpless I am to make her feel secure and that I can’t wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything is going to be okay.  How I miss the feel of her skin on mine and how I would give $1000 for her to stand next to me and fuss at me about something I did wrong, provided that she really could stand next to me to do it.

So was I really protecting my wife and allowing her to do her job unencumbered by not having to worry about whether or not the kids were getting vegetables with their meals?  Or was she going to worry about that stuff anyway and I should have been writing mushy love-letter stuff all along?  Maybe I should tell her that the cat does not fill up her side of the bed nearly as well as she does.  Maybe I should tell her about the mouth full of fur I got when I tried to kiss it in the middle of the night.  Should I let her know that Becka, God bless her, could never, ever make a Belgian Waffle as good as she can.  Should I say that my prayers are consumed with the desire for her safe return and that my heart misses her as much as it did that week back in college when I thought that I had lost her for good?  Should I tell her that I’m crying my eyes out right now because I’ve kept these feeling bottled up for 2 months so that I could protect her?  Does she know, really know, that I love her more than anything but Jesus. That I can’t look at our daughter without seeing her face and knowing that one day she will be as much a blessing to her husband as Debbie is to me. I hope that she does. 

I hope she understands why I’ve done what I’ve done.  I hope I understand that I have 4 months and 2 days to make it up to her.

I love and miss you baby. Come home safe!
Me <3